A guy rings his boss and says “I can’t come to work todayThe boss asks why and the guy says “it’s my eyes.”"What’s wrong with your eyes?” asks the boss.”I just can’t see myself coming to work, so I’m going fishing instead…”

“What’s the biggest fish you ever caught?” “That would be the one that measured fourteen inches….” “That’s not so big!” “Between the eyes?”

Henry’s son, David, burst into the house, crying. His mother asked him what the problem was.”Daddy and I were fishing, and he hooked a giant fish. Really big. Then, while he was reeling it in, the line busted and the fish got away.” “Now come on, David,” his mother said, “a big boy like you shouldn’t be crying about an accident like that. You should have just laughed it off.” “But that’s just what I did, mommy.”

I was given the ultimatum 3 weeks ago. She said “it’s me or your fishing.”Gee I miss her.

“I didn’t see you in church last Sunday, Nigel. I hear you were out playing football instead.” “That’s not true, vicar. And I’ve got the fish to prove it!”

“I caught a twenty pound salmon last week.” “Were there any witnesses?”"There sure were. If there hadn’t been, it would have been forty pounds.”

Fishing rule #1: The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish. Fishing rule #2: The worse your line is tangled, the better is the fishing around you. Fishing rule #3: Fishing will do a lot for a man but it won’t make him truthful.

Q. What is the difference between a fish and a piano? A. You can’t tuna fish.

How much fishing tackle can a man accumulate before his wife throws him out?I don’t know the answer but I think I’m nearly there.

Q. Where do fish sleep?A. In a river bed