Mummy Monster: What are you doing with that saw and where’s your little brother ?Young Monster: Hee, hee ! He’s my half-brother now!

Did the bionic monster have a brother ?No, but he had lots of trans-sisters!

‘What’s your father’s occupation?’ asked the school secretary on the first day of the new academic year.’He’s a conjurer, Ma’am,’ said the new boy.’How interesting. What’s his favourite trick?'’He saws people in half.'’Gosh! now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?'’One half brother and two half sisters.’

Michael: It’s hard for my sister to eat.Maureen: Why ?Michael: She can’t bear to stop talking.

Do you like my new baby sister ? The stalk bought her.Hmm, it looks as if the stalk dropped her on her head.

My sister went on a crash diet.Is that why she looks a wreck ?

Why does your sister have yeast and shoe polish for breakfast ? Because she wants to rise and shine.

Doctor, Doctor! my sister thinks she’s an elevator.Tell her to come in.I can’t. She doesn’t stop at this floor.

Alfie was listening to his sister practice her singing. ‘ Sis,’ he said, ‘I wish you’d sing Christmas carols.'’That’s nice of you, Alfie,’ she replied. ‘Why ?'’Then I’d only have to hear you once a year !’

My sister is so dim she thinks that a cartoon is a song you sing in a car.