Will you come to my party on Saturday? Yes, please, Whats the address? 25 The High Street. Just push the bell with your elbow. Why with my elbow? Well, you wont be empty-handed, will you!

How old were you on your last birthday? Eight. And how old will you be on your next birthday? Ten. Oh, I dont think thats possible. Oh, yes it is - Im nine today.

Id like to say something nice about you as its your birthday. Why dont you? Because I cant think of a single thing to say!

Dad bought Mum a bone-china tea set for her birthday. How lovely!Yes, but he only did it so as not to have to do the washing-up. Mums too frightened hell break it!

The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep. "Excuse me for disturbing you, maam," he said politely, "but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and Ive noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread.""Thats right." "Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake." "Well, today is his birthday."

Whats the greatest birthday present? Hard to say - but a drum takes a lot of beating.

"Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing.I told my computer that today is my birthday,and it said that I needed an upgrade."

BoyFriend: Why didnt you give me anything for my birthday?GirlFriend: You told me to surprise you.

Fred: Do you like the dictionary I bought you for your birthday? Harry: Sure. Its a great present but I just cant find the words to thank you enough.

Did you hear about the dancers birthday? It was a tappy one!