Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy.



Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money.



"I can't take your money," said the first guy. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news." "No, no. Take it," said the second guy. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"

Knock Knock

Who's There?

Boo

Boo hoo

It's only a joke no need to cry!

there wants was a monkey in a bare the bare tender came up and asked him if her wanted a bananna

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.



Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?"



"My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000."



"Gee, that's tough," he replied.



"Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000."



"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."



"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."



"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."



"Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"

A rabbit walked into a bar and said to the bar man "got any carrots" the bar man said "sorry mate no"the next day the rabbit went into the bar agian and said "got any carrots" the bar man said "no" the next the rabbit went into the bar and said "got any carrots" the bar man said "NO" the next day the rabbit went into the bar and said "got any carrots" and the bar man said "this is your last waring not to ask agian NOOOOO" the next day the rabbit went into the bar and said got any carrots" the bar man said "ask agian i will pin your ears to the floor" the next day the rabbit went into the bar and said "got any pins" the bar man said "no" the rabbit said "good got any carrots then"

A skeleton walked into a bar he ordered a pint of lager and a mop

Whats the speed limit for sex? 68 cause when you get to 69 you have to turn around.

A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."



"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.



"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

ahhh, few of my friend's were at a bar and well , one in-particular said ,, I bet u I can out drink u all in shot's so we said alright let's see you go first mattt!!

so, he drinks one down , we say so want another he goes ahhhh huh huh ,,uhhh yeah!!

so, he drink's another ,,when he get's done we ask him again want another ?

He goes ahhhhhhh huuuuuhhhh ahhhh yaa!!!!

okay here ya go ; he drink's it and then we say how about another ? he's ahhh ahhhhh oka'y uhhh and another after that okay we say okay u sure he's says yaaa ahhhhhh haaaa haaa uhhhhh huhhhhh!! we'er like hmmmm,,wait man u drank all our drink's !!!!!!

He goes yeah I know ,,that was some good s$$^? ,ahhhh haa huhhh told u I'd out drink u alll haaaa uhhhhhh ahhhh huhhhh!!!!!!