Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person askeda young engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were youlooking for?"The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, dependingon the benefits package."The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, companymatching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leasedevery 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."

Why you should learn to use algebra . . . After applying some simple algebra to some trite phrases and cliches a new understanding can bereached of the secret to wealth and success.Here it goes. Knowledge is Power Time is Money and as every engineer knows, Power is Work over Time.So, substituting algebraic equations for these time worn bits of wisdom, we get: K = P (1) T = M (2) P = W/T (3)Now, do a few simple substitutions: Put W/T in for P in equation (1), which yields: K = W/T (4)Put M in for T into equation (4), which yields: K = W/M (5).Now we've got something. Expanding back into English, we get: Knowledge equals Work over Money.What this MEANS is that: 1. The More You Know, the More Work You Do, and 2. The More You Know, the Less Money You Make.Solving for Money, we get: M = W/K (6) Money equals Work Over Knowledge.From equation (6) we see that Money approaches infinity as Knowledge approaches 0, regardlessof the Work done.What THIS MEANS is: The More you Make, the Less you Know.Solving for Work, we get W = M K (7) Work equals Money times KnowledgeFrom equation (7) we see that Work approaches 0 as Knowledge approaches 0.What THIS MEANS is: The stupid rich do little or no work.Working out the socioeconomic implications of this breakthrough is left as an exercise for thereader.

Not that my wife's the jealous type or anything, but one day at work, I had taken this temp who was filling in for my secretary to lunch in gratitude for an outstanding job on a very difficult project. As luck would have it, there was my wife waiting in the office for my return. The temp, who was truly a ravishing beauty said, "Oh, Mrs. Moore, I'm so happy to meet you. I'm your husband's new secretary."Within a single heart beat my wife quietly intoned, "OH ? Really ? Were you ???"

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount ofgoods totaling a great deal of money.The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. Thecollections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can'tship your new order until you pay for the last one."The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call,"Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."

Two Italian construction workers were in the field on anextremely hot day working.. the one says to the other "heyhow come we do all a da work and he gets all a da money?"pointing to the supervisor. The other says, "I don't know, go ask him." So Guido goes up to the supervisor and says "Hey, how comewe do all a da work and you get all a da money?" The supervisor says "Intelligence". Guido says "what is this intelligence?" The supervisor puts his hand on a tree and says "Hita myhand as hard as you can!" Guido winds up and with all his might tries to hit thesupervisors hand. Just as he almost does the supervisorpulls his hand away and Guido hits the tree! The supervisorsays "That's intelligence". Still smarting Guido goes back to his co-worker and hisco-worker says "Hey what did he say?" With a sheepish look on his face Guido puts his hand on hisface and says "hita my hand as hard as you can. . ."

I guess some things will never change. I hired a temp while my secretary was on maternity leave. Trying to arrive at an agreeable wage, I asked what she expected to earn.She said, "Well... the minimum I could work for is four hundred a week."I told her I'd give her that much with pleasure. She shook her head and replied, "With pleasure, it'll be $600 a week."

Two accountants were discussing a colleague's interest in one of the firm's new secretaries. "I just don't get it." said one. "She's an airhead -- nothing going on upstairs."That may be true," replied the other, "but I don't think that's the floor he's getting off on."

A middle manager is called into his bosses office on a Monday morning.He is told he has to get rid of one employee in his department by thenext Monday. "Downsizing."He's really upset. Everyone in his department does a good job and itdoesn't seem fair. So for the next 2 days he racks his brain trying tofigure out who to fire. On Tuesday afternoon he sees Jack and Jillstanding at the water cooler. He says to himself, "Okay it's going to beone of them."He spends the next few days scrutinizing what each of them does.Everything is equal. Productivity. Time off. Reports. Everything. He'sin a quandary. It's Friday afternoon and he knows his going to have tothink about this all weekend. Everyone has left the office except Jack andJill, who are getting ready to leave. She comes over to say goodbye."Have a good weekend boss. Hey you don't look so good. Is everythingokay?"He looks at her and says "To be honest, I'm having a tough time here. Ican't decide if I should lay you or Jack off."And she looks at him and says "Well I have to catch a bus, so i suggestyou jack off.

Things That Sound Dirty At The Office But Aren't I need you to whip it out by 5:00! Mind if I use your laptop? Put this in my box before you leave. I want it on my desk now! Hmm.. I think I'm out of fluid. My equipment's so old, it takes forever to finish! It's an entry level position. When do you think you'll be getting off today? It's not fair... I do all the work while he just sits back!

After attending a party for his boss, the life of the party was nursing a king-size hangover and asked his wife, "What the hell happened?" "As usual, you made an ass of yourself in front of your boss," replied the wife. "Piss on him," answered the husband. "You did," said the wife, "and he fired you." "Well, fuck him," said the husband. "I did, and you go back to work in the morning."