Two goldfish are in a tank when one turns to the other and says "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

What do you call a woodpecker without a beak?A headbanger

What do you call a dog with no legs?Hehe...it doen't matter, it's not going to come anyway!Sent by Melissa

What does a lion call a antelope?Fast food.Sent by jessica

A young boy, about eight years old, walks into the localgrocery store and picks our a huge box of laundry detergent.The grocer walked over, and trying to be friendly,asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do."Nope, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog!""But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's verypowerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick.In fact, it might even kill him."But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergentto the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer stilltried to talk him out of washing his dog.About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy somecandy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing."Oh, he died," the boy said sadly.The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he wassorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to usethat detergent on your dog!""Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergentthat killed him.""Oh? What was it then?""I think it was the spin cycle!"

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog had recently died. "You know, it's not your fault that the dog died. He's probably up in heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." Susie, still crying, said "What would God want with a dead dog?"

What do you call a sleeping bull?A bulldozer

What did the dog get when he multiplied 88 x 7?The wrong answer.

A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes. She calls the shop, and the man there advises her to watch them carefully and all would become clear in time.She spends weeks staring at the cage and eventually catches them doing what comes naturally. To make sure she doesn't get them mixed up again, she cuts out a ring from a piece of cardboard and puts it round the male parrot's neck.A while later, the local priest visits the old lady. The male parrot takes one look at the father's collar, wolf whistles, and says, "I see she caught you at it, too."

What do you get if you sleep under a cow?A PAT on the head.Sent by Jimmy