A man walking along a country road comes across a farmer droving a huge mob of sheep. He stops and chats for a while and then says, "Tell you what, Ill bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in that flock."The farmer thinks for a moment, it is a big mob and he cant see how anyone could guess correctly so he says, "OK. Youre on.""Nine hundred and thirty two," says the man.The farmer takes off his hat and scratches his head. "I dont know how you did it but thats exactly right. A bets a bet. Take any sheep."The man picks up an animal and is about to walk off when the farmer says, "Hang on. Bet you double or nothing that I can guess your occupation."The man thinks, "How would he know, hes never met me before" and says "Righto. Youre on".The farmer says, "Youre an auditor with a Big Four firm."The man whistles . "How the heck did you know that?""Well," says the farmer, "put my dog down and Ill tell you."

Wife to husband as they watch their young son playing:"Hes such a sensitive child. Lets wait until hes older before we tell him youre an accountant."

The doctor comes to see his heart transplant patient."This is good news. It is very unusual, but we have two donors to choose from for your new heart."The patient is pleased. He asks, "What were their jobs?""One was a teacher and the other was an accountant.""Ill take the accountants heart," says the patient. "I want one that hasnt been used."

The managing partner in an accounting firm is very annoyed with one of his junior partners and has called him in to chastise him."How could you possibly advise the client in the way you did? That was completely unethical. We are always conscious of Ethics in this firm. You do know what Ethics is dont you?"The young partner is offended. "Of course I know what Ethics is. Its a county in southern England."

Why did the auditor cross the road?Because he looked in the file and thats what they did last year.

"The auditors have just left, sir.""Did they check the books?""Very thoroughly.""What did they say?""They want 15% to keep quiet."

The accountant had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?"

A tourist, visiting a small town in Israel, came upon a statue dedicated to "The Unknown Soldier". At the base of the statue, a sign was displayed: "Here lies Seymour Ruthenberg".The tourist inquired of one of the locals how was it possible an unknown had a name.The resident replied, "As a soldier, that Seymour was pretty much unknown, but as an accountant-Oy! He was something."

The young accounting graduate, fresh out of uni and knowing everything, applied for his first job. The prospective employer asked him what starting salary he was looking for."Oh, around $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.""Well, how does this sound? Five weeks annual leave, 22.5% superannuation, paid expenses to overseas conferences every year, home telephone reimbursed and a company car replaced every 20,000 kilometres, say a Mercedes convertible."The graduate sat up straight and tried not to look excited. "Wow. Are you kidding?""Yeah. But you started it."

An auditor is checking the books of an airline. He is puzzled by the excess use of fuel on a Melbourne to Canberra flight. He rings up the pilot and asks for an explanation."It was late at night" says the pilot, "Canberra was covered in fog and I lost my bearings.""Im sorry," says the auditor, "but youll have to bear the cost yourself.""The cost of what?" asks the pilot."Of the bearings you lost."