A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old. The men worked right past the fellow with the soft drink and went on down the road. "I cant stand this," said the man tossing the can in a trash container and heading down the road toward the men. "Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me whats going on here with this digging?" "Well, we work for the county government, " one of the men said. "But one of you is digging a hole and the other is filling it up. Youre not accomplishing anything. Are nt you wasting the countys money?" "You dont understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally theres three of us--me, Rodney and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree and Mike here puts the dirt back." "Yea," piped up Mike. "Now just because Rodneys sick, that dont mean we cant work, does it?"

During my stay at an expensive hotel in New York City, I woke up in the middle of the night with an upset stomach. I called room service and ordered some soda crackers. When I looked at the charge slip, I was furious. I called room service and raged, "I know Im in a luxury hotel, but $11.50 for six crackers is ridiculous!" "The crackers are complimentary," the voice to the other end cooly explained. "I believe you are complaining about your room number."

A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road and got out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful he began to cry.A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong."I feel terrible," he explained. "I accidently hit this rabbit and killed it."The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to her car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit. Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped down the road. 50 feet away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved at the two again, hopped down the road another 50 feet, turned, waved, and hopped another 50 feet. The man was astonished. He couldnt figure out what substance could be in the womans spray can! He ran over to the woman and demanded, " What was in your spray can? What did you spray onto that rabbit?" The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said:"Hare Spray Restores Life to Dead Hare. Adds Permanent Wave."

Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Hans Olaffsens Laundry." "Hans Olaffsen?", he muses. "How in hell does that fit in here?" So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like Hans Olaffsens Laundry?" The old man answers, "Is name of owner." The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?" "Me...is right here," replies the old man. "You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?" "Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, What your name? He say,Hans Olaffsen. Then she look at me and go, Wh at your name?" "I say Sem Ting."

I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown.started to explain the length of the flight and the passportinformation when she interrupted me with "Im not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response... click.

"Look, guide, here are some LION tracks.""Good. You see where they go and Ill find out where they came from."

In Alaskas National Forests, a tourists guide was giving a talk to a group of tourists about hiking in grizzly bear territory: "Most bear encounters occur when hikers, being extra quiet along the trails in hopes of viewing wildlife, accidentally stumble into bears. The resulting suprise can be catastrophic." To avoid this, he suggested that each hiker wear tiny bells on their clothing to warn the bears of their presence. "Also," he said further, "be especially cautious when you see signs of bears in the area, especially when you see bear droppings."One tourist asked, "How do you identify bear droppings?""Oh thats easy," the guide explained, "its the ones with all the tiny bells in them!"

Windsor castle, outside of London, is directly in the flight path of Heathrow International Airport. While a group of tourist was standing outside the castle admiring the elegant structure, a plane flew overhead at a relatively low altitude making a tremendous amount of noise. One particularly annoyed tourist whined, "Why did they build the castle so close to the airport?"

Two anthropologists fly to the south sea islands to study the natives. They go to two adjacent islands and set to work. A few months later one of them takes a canoe over to the other island to see how his colleague is doing. When he gets there, he finds the other anthropologist standing among a group of natives."Greetings! How is it going?" says the visiting anthropologist."Wonderful!" says the other, "I have discovered an important fact about the local language! Watch!"He points at a palm tree and says, "what is that?"The natives, in unison, say "Umbalo-gong!"He then points at a rock and says, "and that?"The natives again intone "Umbalo-gong!""You see!", says the beaming anthropologist, "They use the SAME word for rock and for palm tree!""That is truly amazing!" says the astonished visiting anthropologist, "On the other island, the same word means ind ex finger!"

A person checks into a hotel for the first time in his life, and goes up to his room. Five minutes later he calls the desk and say, "Youve given me a room with no exit. How do I leave?"The desk clerk says, "Sir, thats absurd. Have you looked for the door?"The person says, " Well, theres one door that leads to the bathroom. Theres a second door that goes into the closet. And theres a door I havent tried, but it has a do not disturb sign on it."