Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking Im a telephone. Doctor: Whys that? I keep getting calls in the night.

At three oclock one morning a veterinary surgeon was woken from a deep sleep by the ringing of his telephone. He staggered downstairs and answered the phone. "Im sorry if I woke you," said a voice at the other end of the line. "Thats all right," said the vet, "I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway."

The phone in Rigbys Georgia farmhouse rang one evening. When he answered, the operator said, "This is long distance from Chicago." "I knowed its a long distance from Chicago!" answered the farmer. "How come you called to tell me that?"

The new office-boy came into his bosss office and said, "I think youre wanted on the phone, sir." "What dyou mean, you think?" demanded the boss. "Well, sir, the phone rang, I answered it and a voice said is that you, you old fool?"

Moody was awakened by the telephone at four A.M. It was his Ku Klux Klan buddy, Crumm, calling long distance from Montgomery. "Whats the matter?" asked Moody. "Are you in trouble?" "No!" said Crumm. "What do you want, then?" "Nothing!" "Then how come you are calling me in the middle of the night?" asked Moody. "Cause!" said the other redneck, "the rates is cheaper!"

Kelso met Hensley on the street. "Hey!" said Kelso, "how come I never hear from you? Why dont you call me on the telephone?" "You aint got no tellyphone!" said Hensley. "I know," said Kelso. "But you do!"

Harry was madly in love with Betty, but couldnt pluck up enough courage to pop the question face to face. Finally he decided to ask her on the telephone. Darling! he blurted out, will you marry me?Of course, I will, you silly boy, she replied, who is it speaking?

A man and a couple of his friends had just finished a round of golf at the country club and they were changing their shoes when a cell phone on the bench rang. The man picked it up and answered it. "Hi honey," said the woman on the other end. "Hi honey," replied the man. "I was just calling to tell you about this fur coat I found today. Its beautiful fox fur and I just love the way it looks on me. Its on sale too, a real bargain. Its down to $2000 from $4000. Can I get it?" The man thought about it for a sec and said, "Youre sure its a good deal?" "Oh yes," replied the woman. "Okay then, I guess you can get it," replied the man. The woman continued,"Oh, and you know how weve been thinking about getting rid of the Lexus and getting a new Jaguar? Well, I went to the dealership today and the guy gave me a real deal. He said hed lower the price from $50,000 to $35,000 just for me. Can I get it?" The man thought a little harder and said,"If youre sure its a good deal, then yes, go ahead and get the Jaguar." The woman continued again. "Oh, one last thing, honey. Remember that house we saw last month that we really liked, but decided wed wait and think about? Well, its on the market again, so I checked the price. Its down to $450,000 and I checked with the bank and we have enough in the checking account so that I can just write a check. Should I get it?" The man got a frown on his face and said,"See if you can get them down to $420,000. If theyll go down to that, go ahead and get it." The woman was extremely excited. "Okay honey, thank you so much! Ill see you when I get home! Bye!" "Bye," said the man. He hung up the phone and looked at the other men in the locker room and said, "Does anyone know whose phone this is?"

When doesnt a telephone work underwater? When its wringing wet!

What did the man say when he got a big phone bill?"Who said talk is cheap?"