"Please, maam! How do you spell ichael?"

The teacher was rather bewildered. "Dont you mean Michael?" she asked.

"No, maam. Ive written the M already."

The young lad had applied for a job, and was asked his full name.

"Aloysius Montmorency Geoghan," he replied.

"How do you spell that?" asked the manager.

"Er ? sir ? er ? cant you just put it down without spelling it?"

School Doctor: Have you ever had trouble with appendicitis?

Fred: Only when I tried to spell it.

How do you spell wrong?

R-o-n-g.

Thats wrong.

Thats what you asked for, isnt it?

Daughter: I will never learn to spell.

Mother: Why?

Daughter: The teacher keeps changing the words.

Early Texas governors were not very well educated. There was once a chief executive who thought "grammar" was his fathers mother.

On one occasion this governor went hunting and forgot his gun. He phoned his secretary and asked him to send the gun.

"The phone connections bad," said the secretary. "I couldnt catch that last word. Spell it."

The governor replied, " G like in Jesus; U like in onion; N like in pneumonia - GUN, you damn fool!"

"I gotta A in spelling," Tony told his father.

"You dope!" he replied. "There isnt any A in spelling!"

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

"Mah sons real smart!" crowed the redneck mother to an acquaintance. "Hes only six but he can already spell his name backwards and forwards!"

"Whats his name?" asked the friend.

"Bob."

A Hoosier, a Kentuckian and a West Virginian were on a Hollywood TV quiz show. The host asked them to complete the sentence: "Old MacDonald had a ..."

The Indianan said, "Old MacDonald had a carburetor."

"Sorry," said the MC. "Thats incorrect."

"Old MacDonald had a flat tire," said the Kentuckian.

"Wrong," said the host.

"Old MacDonald had a farm," said the West Virginian.

"Thats correct!" shouted the MC.

"Now for $200,000, spell farm."

The West Virginian thought hard and then spelled carefully: "E-I-E-I-O."