A woman at a gas station noticed a spaceship landing in front of her. An alien stepped out of the spaceship and started to pump gas into it. The woman noticed the letters U.F.O. printed on the side of the ship. She turned to the alien and asked Does U.F.O. stand for Unidentified Flying Object? The alien answered, No, it stands for Unleaded Fuel Only!

President Dubya was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon. "Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, "theres good news & bad news." "Oh, no," muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad news first." "The bad news, sir, is that weve been invaded by creatures from another planet." "Gosh, and the good news?" "The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters and pee oil."

What did the alien say to the gas pump ?Dont you know its rude to stick your finger in your ear when Im talking to you !

Two aliens from outer space landed in Las Vegas and were wandering around the casinos. One of them volunteered to go inside and see what was happening. He came out looking rather shocked. "Whats the matter?" asked his friend. "Its a very popular place," replied the first alien. "Its full of creatures that keep throwing up little metal discs."

Why dont astronauts keep their jobs very long? Because as soon as they start they get fired.

Why didnt the astronauts stay on the moon? Because it was a full moon and there was no room.

Two aliens landed in the remote countryside and went walking from the flying saucer along a narrow lane. The first thing they saw was a red pillar box. `Take us to your leader, said the first alien.`Dont waste time talking to him. Cant you see hes only a child? said the second alien.

Two astronauts were in a space ship circling high above the earth. One had to go on a space walk while the other stayed inside. When the space walker tried to get back inside the space ship, he discovered that the cabin door was locked, so he knocked. There was no answer. He knocked again, louder this time. There was still no answer. Finally he hammered at the door as hard as he could and heard a voice from inside the space ship saying, Whos there?

First Spaceman: Im hungry.Second Spaceman: So am I, it must be launch time !

An astronaut in space was asked by a reporter, "How do you feel?""How would you feel," the astronout replied, "if you were stuck here, on top of 20,000 parts each one supplied by the lowest bidder?"