A salesman was demonstrating unbreakable combs in a department store. He was impressing the people who stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of torture and stress.

Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he bent the comb completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack.

Without missing a beat, he bravely held up both halves of the unbreakable comb for everyone to see and said, "And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what an unbreakable comb looks like on the inside."

A software manager, a hardware manager, and a marketing manager are driving to a meeting when a tire blows. They get out of the car and look at the problem.

The software manager says, "I cant do anything about this - its a hardware problem."

The hardware manager says, "Maybe if we turned the car off and on again, it would fix itself."

The marketing manager says, "Hey, 75% of it is working - lets ship it!"

Q: How do salespeople traditionally greet each other?

A: "Hi. Nice to meet you. Im better than you."

A salesman walking along the beach found a bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared."I will grant you three wishes," announced the genie. "But since Satan still hates me, for every wish you make, your rival gets the wish as well -- only double."

The salesman thought about this for a while. "For my first wish, I would like ten million dollars," he announced.

Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited. "But your rival has just received $20,000,000," the genie said.

"Ive always wanted a Ferrari," the salesman said.Instantly a Ferrari appeared. "But your rival has just received two Ferraris," the genie said.

"And what is your last wish?"

"Well," said the salesman, "Ive always wanted to donate a kidney for transplant."

A salesman who was out on his territory had a heart attack in his motel room and died. The motel manager called the salesman's company and related the tragedy to the sales manager.

The sales manager received the news in a nonchalant manner and told the motel manager, "Return his samples by freight and search his pants for orders."

Q: How can you tell when a salesperson is lying?

A: His lips are moving.

A woman was shopping in a fairly nice dress store. Trying on a dress and liking it, she asked the salesman the price.

When he told her she launched into a tirade about prices these days, covering just about everything from housing to auto tires.

After ten minutes or so, the salesman had obviously had enuff and said, "My dear lady. If the cost of living is so high and obviously so offensive to you, why do you bother ?"

The out-of-work newlywed took a temporary job as a vacuum cleaner salesman to make ends meet.

After 3 days of intensive training, the sales manager told him to go home and practice his pitch on his wife.

The next morning, the manager asked the novice how he made out.

"Well," the man began, "I did what you said, and after I finished, I asked her if she would buy the vacuum cleaner from me. She said Yes. Then I asked her why ? She replied, Because I love you."

A traveling salesman was held up by a bad storm in the Hawaiian Islands. He sent an e-mail to his corporate headquarters advising them that he was stranded for a few days and requested instructions.

The reply came back shortly: "Begin vacation as of yesterday."

Patient: Doctor, you have to help me stop talking to myself.

Doctor: Why is that?

Patient: Im a salesman and I keep selling myself things I dont want.