For two solid hours, the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him about her grandchildren. She had even produced a plastic-foldout photo album of all nine of the children.She finally realized that she had dominated the entire conversation on her grandchildren."Oh, Ive done all the talking, and Im so sorry. I know you certainly have something to say. Please, tell me... what do you think of my grandchildren?"

On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist.The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren in Boston.Then she inquired what I did for a living.I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice. Instead she sat back, picked up a magazine and said, "If theres anything you want to know, just ask me."

A woman meant to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead. "Do you have Eyes of Blue and A Love Supreme?" she asked. "Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and eleven children." "Is that a record?" she inquired. "I dont think so," replied the man, "but its as close as I want to get."

For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"

There was this little kid who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didnt stop sucking his thumb, hed get fat.Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says, "Ah, ha! I know what youve been doing!"

A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her "no." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; dont be upset. It wont be long." He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldnt have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Ellen, dont cry. Only two more aisles to go, and then well be checking out." The man again happened to be behind the pair at the check-out, where the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there would be no gum purchased today. The mother patiently said, "Ellen, well be through this ch eck out stand in five minutes, and then you can go home and have a nice nap." The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldnt help noticing how patient you were with little Ellen..." The mother broke in, "My little girls name is Tammy... Im Ellen."

The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool."Everyone knows," the mother lectured him, "that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool." "Oh really?" said the lifeguard, "from the diving board!?!?"

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor.The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, "Congratulations sir, youre the father of twins.""What a coincidence!" the man said with some obvious pride. "I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team."The nurse returned in a little while and turned to the second man, "You, sir, are the father of triplets.""Wow, thats really an incredible coincidence," he answered. "I work for the 3M Corporation. My buddies at work will never let me live this one down."An hour later, while the other two men were passing cigars around, the nurse came back. This time, she turned to the third man, who had been quiet in the corner. She announced that his wife had just given birth to quadruplets. Stunned, he barely could reply."Dont tell me another coincidence?" asked the nurse. r After finally regaining his composure, he said, "I dont believe it, I work for the Four Seasons Hotel."After hearing this, everybodys attention turned to the fourth guy, who had just fainted, flat out on the floor. The nurse rushed to his side and, after some time, he slowly gained back his consciousness.The nurse asked, "Sir, are you all right?""Yes" says the man, "Im o.k. now. I just had a shocking thought. I work at the 7-11 Store."

Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. "Ill bet youre back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says the beaming boy to his father. "Nope," comes dads reply, "Im gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like youve been doing to me all these years."

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, Im making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations." The son-in-law interrupted, "I hate factories. I cant stand the noise." "I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well, then youll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations." "I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I cant stand being stuck behind a desk all day." "Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just make you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you dont like factories and wont work in a office. What am I going to do with you?" "Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."