Q: What goes in and out and smells of piss?

A: The Queen Mother

Q: What's brown and has holes in it?

A: Swiss Shit.

An Indian gentleman on his first visit to the USA visited the foreign exchange to exchange some Rupees. He handed to the cashier 100,000 Rps and after a quick calculation on the calculator, was given $50.45 with a typical "service" smile and "Have a nice day!"

The Indian promptly spent this and returned the next day with another wad of Rupees. He handed the same cashier 100,000 Rps and put his hand out for his $50.45, instead he received $48.78.

He questiond bitterly Ooh! very less !!??"

Whereupon the cashier replied "Fluctuations!"

He screamed back "FLUCK YOU AMERICANS, TOO!"

I'm going back to Delhi!!!

A roving reporter from the BBC was touring a remote part of the Scottish Highlands looking for material for a documentary about the way of life there.

REPORTER: Hello there, excuse me, I'm from the BBC and I'm gathering material for a documentary about the way of life in the remote parts of the Scottish Highlands. You look like an interesting fellow, perhaps I could interview you?

SCOTSMAN: Certainly...

REPORTER: Well, perhaps you could start by telling me your name?

SCOTSMAN: Well now there's a story. Y'know I deliver the mail round here, but do they call me Donald the Postman? No they don't. You see those fine crofts up on the hill there, well, I built more than half of them myself, but do they call me Donald the Croftbuilder? No, they don't. And did you pass the nets down in the harbour? Well, I made several of them, but do they call me Donald the Netmaker? No,they don't.But, I tell you, a moment's weakness with just ONE sheep ....

Q: What do you call a Highlander with four sheep?

A: A pimp

Q: How do you play Iraqi bingo?

A: F18...B52...F18.

This aussie caught this Kiwi having a bit of fun with a sheep."Mate", the aussie said, "Over there we shear them".

The kiwi replied, "Mate, I'm not shearing this with innyone".

Q: What do you call four sheep tied to a post in Cardiff (Wales)?

A: A leisure centre.

An American was waiting on a London street corner. An attractive English girl was passing by when a gust of wind blew her dress above her waist.

"A bit airy, isn't it?" remarked the American.

Hearing this, the Cockney girl replied indignantly,"'Ell yes! What did you expect - feathers?!"

A Pollock walks over the Red Light District in Amsterdam when suddenly he notices a fine looking hooker looking at him.He stops, bangs on the window and says,"So, what does this cost ??!!".

The hooker replies,"25 dollars !!".

The Pollock says ,"Hmm, that's not a lot of money for insulated windows !!".