If youre fishing on ice, you should never tell a joke on ice. WHY??? The ice will crack up!

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "Im bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldnt have any worries about being eaten..."

Two guys are talking about fishing. One says to the other, "I am NEVER going to take my wife fishing with me, ever again!""That bad, huh""She did everything wrong! She did everything wrong! She talked too much, made the boat rock constantly, tried to stand up in the boat, baited the hook wrong, used the wrong lures and WORST of all she caught more fish than me!"

Two Irishmen were walking down the street with two salmon each under their arms. Two other Irishmen walking in the opposite direction see the two lucky fishermen and ask " how did you catch those ?" Well its like this! Michael here holds my legs over the bridge, and I grab the salmon as they swim up the river. We got four salmon A great days fishing! So the fishless pair look at each other and agree to give it a try. They get to the bridge and Sean calls to his friend "hold my legs now Paddy". Well he is hanging there upside down for thirty minutes when he suddenly cries.. "pull me up, pull me up!!" Paddy asks " do you have a fish Sean?"............ No replies Sean, "theres a bloody train coming!!!!!!!!"

A man was stopped by a game-warden in Northern Algonquin Park recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishingThe game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?" The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish." "Pet fish?!" the warden replied. "Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home." "Thats a bunch of hooey! Fish cant do that!" The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, Ill show you. It really works." "O.K. Ive GOT to see this!" The game warden was curious. The man poured the fish in to the river and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?" "Well, what?" the man respond ed. "When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted. "Call who back?" the man asked."The FISH""What fish?" the man asked.

One day, two guys Joe and Bob were out fishing. A funeral service passes over the bridge theyre fishing by, and Bob takes off his hat and puts it over his heart. He does this until the funeral service passes by.Joe then said "Gee Bob, I didnt know you had it in you!"Bob then replies " Its the least I could do. After all I was married to her for 30 years."

Three fishermen were fishing when they came upon a mermaid, the mermaid offered them one wish each so the first fisherman said: "double my I.Q" so the mermaid did it and to his surprise he started reciting shakespeare. Then the second fisherman said: "triple my I.Q." and sure enough the mermaid did it and amazingly he started doing math problems he didnt know existed. The third fisherman was so impressed he asked the mermaid to quadruple his I.Q and the mermaid said "Are you sure about this? It will change your whole life!" the fisherman said "yes" so the mermaid turned him into a woman

The fishing season hasnt opened and a fisherman who doesnt have a license, is casting for trout as a stranger approaches and asks "Any luck?""Any luck? This is a wonderful spot. I took 10 out of this stream yesterday" he boasts. "Is that so? By the way, do you know who I am?" asks the stranger. "Nope.""Well, meet the new game warden." "Oh," gulped the fisherman. "Well, do you know who I am?" "Nope". "Meet the biggest liar in the state."

An Irish priest loved to fly fish, it was an obsession of his. So far this year the weather had been so bad that he hadnt had a chance to get his beloved wadders on and his favourite flies out of their boxStrangly though, every Sunday the weather had been good, but of course Sunday is the day he has to go to work.The weather forcast was good again for the coming Sunday so he called a fellow priest claiming to have lost his voice and be in bed with the flu. He asked him to take over his sermon.The fly fishing priest drove fifty miles to a river near the coast so that no one would recognise him. An angel up in Heaven was keeping watch and saw what the priest was doing. He told God who agreed that he would do something about it.With the first cast of his line a huge fish mouth gulped down the fly. For over an hour the priest ran up and down the river bank fighting the fish. At the end when he finally landed the monster size fish it turned out to be a world record Salmon.Confused the angel asked God, "Why did you let him catch that huge fish? I thought you were going to teach him a lesson."God replied "I did. Who do you think hes going to tell?"

Heard the one about the three blondes that went ice fishing and didnt catch anything?By the time they cut a hole big enough for the boat to fit in it was time to go home.