The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated: "Im afraid were going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you.""Well, if its just because of them, Id rather pay for them if you just leave me alone."

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast."You arent so good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work.By midmorning, he decided hed better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone."What took you so long to answer?""I was in bed.""What were you doing in bed this late?""Getting a second opinion."

Doctor, doctor I keep thinking Im a beeBuzz off cant you see Im busy?

Doctor, Doctor I think Im a bell?Take these and if it doesnt help give me a ring!

Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking Im GodWhen did this start?Well first I created the sun, then the earth...

Doctor, Doctor Have you got something for a bad headache?Of course. Just take this hammer and hit yourself in the head. Then youll have a bad headache.

Doctor Doctor I think Im a moth.So why did you come around then?Well, I saw this light at the window...!

Doctor, Doctor Im on a diet and its making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someones ear off.Oh dear, thats a lot of calories!

Doctor these pills you gave me for BO...Whats wrong with them?They keep slipping out from under my arms!

Doctor, Doctor I feel like a spoon!Well sit still and dont stir!