A woman is walking in the park when she sees a man playing chess with his cat. She says to the man "I cant believe what Im seeing, a cat that plays chess, what a clever animal!!" The man replied "Nah lady this cats not clever at all Im beating it 6 games to 1"

For all of you with teenagers or who have had teenagers, or are a teenager, you may want to know why they really have a lot in common with cats: - Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name. - No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot. - You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents. - Even if you tell jokes as well as Jay Leno, neither your cat nor your teen will ever crack a smile. - No cat or teenager shares you taste in music. - Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without moving, barely breathing. - Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry o n as if they did.- Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner, communicating that ultimate human ecstasy -- a sense of complete and utter boredom. - Cats and teenagers do not improve anyones furniture. - Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes have been known to return in the middle of the night to deposit a dead animal in your bedroom. Teenagers are not above that sort of behavior. Thus, if you must raise teenagers, the best sources of advice are not other parents, but veterinarians. It is also a good idea to keep a guidebook on cats at hand at all times. And remember, above all else, put out the food and do not make any sudden moves in their direction. When they make up their minds, they will finally come to you for some affection and comfort, and it will be a triumphant moment for all concerned.

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "Whatcha doing, Tim?" "My goldfish died," replied the boy tearfully, without looking up. "And Ive just buried him." The neighbor was concerned. "Thats an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isnt it?" Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "Thats because hes inside your cat."

Q: Why do cats like to hear other cats make noise? - A: Its meow-sic to their ears!

Q: Whats every cats favorite song? - A: Three Blind Mice!

Q: What do you call a cat whos joined the Red Cross? - A: A first-aid kit!

Q: Whats a cats favorite food? - A: Petatoes!

Q: What did the female cat say to the male cat? - A: Youre the purrfect cat for me!

Q: Whats a cats second favorite food? - A: Spa-catti!

Q: Why does everyone love cats? - A: Theyre purr-fect!