A man was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked if he had anything to say in his defense. "They shouldnt put up such misleading notices," said the man. "It said FINE FOR PARKING HERE."

A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hells Angels bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old mans pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spat into the old mans milk and then he too took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old mans plate, and then he took a seat at the counter. Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?" The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either, he just backed his big-rig over three motorcycles."

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wifes voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that theres a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!" "Hell," said Herman, "Its not just one car. Its hundreds of them!"

A man is driving along in the Irish countryside, when he comes to a petrol station, since hes in need of petrol, the man decides to stop. He says to the attendant at the station, "Fill it up, will you?". The man says "Sorry - were right out of petrol." So the man considers, and says "Well, Im a bit low on oil, would you mind topping that up?" And the attendant responds"Sorry, but no oil either." The man thinks, and asks the attendant to wash his windscreen, to which he gets the by-now predictable response that he cant do that. The man at this point is fairly mad, so he asks the attendant "Just what kind of petrol station is this ?" The attendant then looks both ways, and very carefully whispers to the man "To tell you the truth, this is just an IRA front." The man then says "Well, in that case, you can blow up the tyres !"

One day there was a family driving in the car to Michigan to visit their relatives. They were looking for the street they had to turn on to get to their relatives house. They accedently turned on the wrong street so they had to pull in a driveway and turn around. When they pulled into the driveway the girl asked her mother "Why dont these people have electricity?" Very confused the mother said, "Wut are u talking about?" The girl quickly replied, "Well, the sign back there said NO OUTLET!"

Kelly was standing in front of Cohans Tavern when he saw a driverless car rolling slowly down the street. He ran to the car, jumped in, and pulled on the emergency brake with a jerk. Kelly got out and very proudly said to the man approaching him, "I stopped it!" "I know, you idiot!" said the man. "I was pushing it!"

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns dont kill people. I do."

While driving along the back roads of a small town, two truckers came to an overpass with a sign that read CLEARANCE 113."They got out and measured their rig, which was 124.""What do you think?" one asked the other.The driver looked around carefully, then shifted into first. "Not a cop in sight. Lets take a chance!"

A man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or Europe, a 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it runs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on a moped, both looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to him.The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?".The dude replies "A 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. They cost $500,000.""Thats a lotta money!" says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?""Cause this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly.The old man asks "Can I take a look inside?""Sure" replies the owner.So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says "Thats a pretty nice car, alright!"Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 320. Suddenly, the guy notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!Whhhoooooooooossssshhhhhh! Something whips by him! Going maybe three times as fast!The guy wonders "what on earth could be going faster than my Turbo BeepBeeP?" Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him.Whooooooooooosh! Goes by again! And, it almost looked like the old man on the moped! Couldnt be thinks the guy. How could a moped outrun a Turbo BeepBeep? Again, he sees a dot in his rearview mirror!WhoooooooshhhhhhhhKa-BbbbblaMMMMM! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end.The guy jumps out and discovers it is the old man! Of course, the moped and the old man are hurting for certain. The guy runs up to the dying old man and asks "You re hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?"The old man replies "Yeah. Unhook my suspenders from the side-view mirror on your car!"

A man walks into an auto parts store and says "Id like a rear view mirror for my Yugo."The man behind the counter thinks about this for a while, then says "Yup, seems like a fair trade to me."