Q: Why dont blind people skydive?

A: It scares the heck out of the dog.

A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog."

"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked.

"I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground" he answered.

"But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked.

He quickly answered: "Oh, the dogs leash goes slack."

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!"

The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!"

The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right."

The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Dont flush, dont flush!"

One day two blind men started fighting.Pretty soon a crowd surrounded them.

Then one of the members of the crowd yelled out "I bet 10 bucks on the one with the knife."

Both men ran away.

A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head.

The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!"

The blind man replies, "Just looking around."

Q: What is the difference between a blind man and a sailor in prison?

A: One cant see to go, the other cant go to sea.

A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower. "There is a blind man to see you," she says.

"Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if Im in the shower. Send him in."

The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them.

She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: "Thats nice and all, maam, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds?

Q: What do you call a blind German?

A: A Not See (Nazi)

Q: Why are bats blind?

A: Well, your eyesight wouldnt be too good if you hung upside down all day would it?

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!"

Buddy didnt move.

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!"

Buddy didnt respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!"

Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch. The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

"Well... Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldnt even try!"