A man with a talking parrot is getting married. On the day of the wedding he says to the parrot "Now look here, I know you are always sat in that window sticking your beak in, when me and my new wife get back from the wedding I want you to turn round and and no matter what you hear I do not want you to turn back or Ill break your neck, do you understand?" The parrot reluctantly agrees.On returning from the wedding the parrot turns round as instructed, and behind him the bride and groom start to pack for the honeymoon. The wife however has packed too much and they cant get the case closed. "Get on top and sit on it baby!" Says the man the woman does so and grunts and moans but cant shut the case. "You get on top baby it might be better" Says the wife, so the man grunts and groans and tries his best but still cant shut the case.After a little thought the man says "Ok well both get on top see if thats any better!" The parrot turns round and says "Neck or no neck I have to see this!"

David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and terrible vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that werent expletives were, to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the birds attitude. He was constantly saying polite words and playing soft music, he did anything he could think of. Nothing worked. When he yelled at the bird, the bird got worse. If he shook the bird, the bird got madder and ruder. Finally in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then suddenly, there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Davids extended arm and said: "Im sorry that I might have offended you with my language and actions, so I ask for your forgiven ess. I will try to correct my behavior." David was astounded at the birds change in attitude and was about to ask what had changed him when the parrot continued: "May I ask what the chicken did?"

Q: Why do hens lay eggs?A: If they dropped them, theyd break

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?A: To prove he wasnt chicken.

Why is a sofa like a roast chicken ? Because theyre both full of stuffing !

How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely ? With its sparrowchute !

Whats brown and white and flies all over?Thanksgiving turkey, when you carve it with a chain saw!

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!" Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes", said the parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot: "Whats your name?" "Clarence," said the bird. "Thats a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus."

When is the best time to buy budgies ? When theyre going cheap !

Why didnt the chicken skeleton cross the road ?Because he didnt have enough guts